they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
