I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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