end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you had me at cake vodka
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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