as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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