I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
