Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
