My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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