how can u be prego again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
