Will you blow on my dice?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
