I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
