Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
