oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
