I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
