your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this will be a night to untag.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
