Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
