Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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