Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
