please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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