insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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