Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
