I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
