In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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