I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
