Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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