I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
