I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
