it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
