you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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