I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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