How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
