I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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