I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
