i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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