We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
