apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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