can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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