Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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