at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
