please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
