I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
