No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my being single is dangerous.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
