Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
