Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
