i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
