I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
