omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
