Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
