Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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