did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
