I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
