I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
