cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
