i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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