I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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