I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
