i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
