woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
